Counselling in the Comox Valley
Self-Compassion Counselling in the Comox Valley
You’d never speak to a friend the way you speak to yourself. If your inner voice is relentless—pointing out every flaw, replaying every mistake, insisting you’re never quite enough—counselling can help you understand where that voice came from, and begin building a kinder one.
Is this the voice you live with?
Most people don’t come to counselling saying “I need self-compassion.” They come exhausted from something harder to name—a way of living that looks like this from the inside:
- You lie awake replaying the one awkward thing you said, not the hundred kind things you did.
- Every accomplishment gets a footnote: anyone could have done it, it wasn’t that hard, they’re just being nice.
- You say yes when you mean no, then feel invisible in relationships you built around everyone else’s needs.
- Rest feels like something you have to earn—and somehow you never quite qualify.
- When something goes wrong, your first instinct is to find the way it was your fault.
- You extend endless grace to everyone else, and none of it to yourself.
- Underneath it all hums a quiet, constant feeling of not being enough—no matter what the evidence says.
How counselling can help
Here’s the thing about the inner critic: you weren’t born with it. The way we treat ourselves is learned, the same way the rest of our relationships are—which is why I approach this work through an attachment lens. Somewhere along the way, being hard on yourself may have made sense: it kept the peace, earned the approval, got you ahead of the criticism before anyone else could deliver it. Together, we’ll get curious about where your inner voice was learned and what it’s been trying to protect—because you can’t simply argue with a critic you don’t understand.
I know this terrain from the inside. Before counselling, I taught school and spent more than a decade running a bakery—years that taught me plenty about stress, uncertainty, and how loud your own standards can get when everything feels like it depends on you. Perfectionism can look like success from the outside while it quietly wears a person down. Grounded in attachment theory and Emotionally Focused Therapy, our work goes underneath the self-criticism to the feelings it’s been guarding—and makes room for a different way of being with yourself.
And this is practical work, not just insight. Session by session, you’ll practise catching the critic in the act, softening the tone you take with yourself in hard moments, and letting yourself be spoken to kindly—first by me, and gradually by you. Not affirmations. Not pretending. Something quieter and more durable than either.
What we might work on together
Your inner world is particular to you, so our work will be too. It often includes threads like these:
- Understanding where your self-criticism was learned—and what it once protected you from
- Loosening perfectionism’s grip without abandoning the things you care about doing well
- Untangling people-pleasing: noticing your own needs, and practising honouring them
- Building emotional awareness—naming what you feel before the critic talks you out of it
- Responding to your own mistakes and hard days the way you would to someone you love
- Quieting the “never enough” feeling at its roots, not just its surface
Questions people often ask
Isn’t self-compassion just letting myself off the hook?
That’s the inner critic’s favourite argument, and the research doesn’t back it up. Self-compassion isn’t lowering the bar—it’s changing how you respond when you inevitably fall short of it. People tend to take more responsibility, not less, when they’re not bracing for their own attack.
What if being hard on myself is the reason I’ve succeeded?
It’s an honest fear, and I take it seriously—many of my clients are capable, driven people. But if you look closely, the critic usually costs more than it earns: the anxiety, the procrastination, the exhaustion. We won’t take away your standards. We’ll work on what fuels them.
Will this just be affirmations and being told to love myself?
No. If saying nice things in the mirror worked, you’d have done it by now. This is deeper work: understanding where your self-criticism was learned, what it has been trying to protect, and slowly building a different way of being with yourself—one that actually holds up on hard days.
What is a free consultation like?
It’s a short, no-pressure conversation where you can share what’s bringing you in and see whether I feel like a good fit. No preparation needed, and no obligation to continue. You can book online through Comox Valley Counselling’s booking page.
Can we meet virtually or by phone?
Yes. I offer sessions in person at Comox Valley Counselling in Courtenay, and virtually or by phone anywhere in British Columbia—whatever fits your life best.
You’ve been hard on yourself for long enough.
Imagine meeting your own hard days with the same warmth you offer everyone else. That’s not out of reach—and you don’t have to find your way there alone.
Book your free consultationIn person in Courtenay · virtual & phone across BC · individuals aged 10+